I remember this one sleepless night, (a couple weeks ago, before typhoon Ondoy plundered the Philippines) I was listening to my shuffle when this song by Ghostface Killah played. I haven’t heard the song for a pretty long time, and hearing that familiar tune just got me into a trance.

From a blank, idle state, my mind was suddenly overflowing with thoughts; words, sounds, and images. Memories started rushing in, and dreams about the future started to surface. I was thinking about my mom, my lola, my siblings, my country, my friends, this pretty chick I met a couple weeks back, shit that I had to do, shit that I didn’t do but was supposed to, music, and a lot of other stuff.  For an hour or two, I was listening to the same song, and in that time span those thoughts just kept running, and running, and running. I kinda felt inspired. It’s like all my problems didn’t mean shit that night, like I was high on some shit. I felt free. Until finally my mind couldn’t take it anymore, my mind was tired, and I just crashed.

I fell asleep listening to that song, but the melody seemed to resonate inside my head, the lyrics steady played in my mind.  The title of the song is “Love”.

Around a week after Ondoy hit the Philippines, I was on facebook when a friend posted a link to an essay written by this one Korean dude. He was talkin about the current poverty issue in the Philippines. He expressed his thoughts through the essay and said that the reason why all that shit is happening to the Philippines is not because our government is corrupt and all that, but because we, the Filipinos, got no love for our own country, our own people.

Of course at first I was offended and pissed, I was hella cussing in front of the pc like I was actually talkin to the dude. But as I kept reading, I felt ashamed of myself (I was hurt actually) coz the dude had a point. He wasn’t right about everything, but he had a point. We lack that patriotism. It’s evident on how we act (or think, especially in today’s younger generations) as a people, I guess.  Gone were the days when kids sing the “Lupang Hinirang” and recite the “Panatang Makabayan” with honor and pride. Most of the kids nowadays only memorize the national anthem and pledge not because they want to, but because they had to, for school.  I even remember back in high school when I hated Filipino so much because I thought it was just a waste of time. In my mind I was like, “I already know how to speak tagalong, so why even bother study Filipino? I don’t need to be all deep with my tagalong anyways.” That was my mind state, and so was 80% of the class. We thought it was just another subject to get the students preoccupied and shit. Only recently (I’m more mature now I guess) did I realize that it wasn’t just about speaking the dialect right, it was about loving and being proud of it.  And it struck me that maybe the system dosen’t really teach us that, and it sucks coz I feel like the older generations have given up on the matter, like they just accepted the reality that times are changing but the systems still fucked up, and they teach us it’s easier to just go with the flow, “makisama ka nalang” as they say.  Or maybe they do try to, but like I said, were just tryna “go with the flow” coz it’s easier that way. Then all of a sudden, when it seems like things couldn’t go any worse, the flow gets interrupted.

Calamity and disaster hits. Lives were lost, properties destroyed, spirits were crushed. And even with all that happening, people still go about blaming hella shit on the government, blaming the “squatter’s” coz of their garbage. The well-off blamed the poor coz of their ignorance, and the poor blamed the well-off coz they feel like they never cared.  Everyone was pinpointing, everyone was blaming someone. It seemed like all hope was lost. Two nights after the storm I was watching the news and I just couldn’t help it anymore, I didn’t know what to do but I felt like everyone who was spared by the storm had to do something, I wanted to fuckin cry.

The next day I decided to help out with the relief operations coz I wasn’t really doing anything worthwhile. I don’t really have a day job, our gigs were all cancelled and rescheduled because of the flood, and I didn’t really want to stay home and do nothing coz shit is getting depressing. I knew friends who were helpin out at Ateneo so I stopped by to see what’s up. The first day was cool, didn’t really get to do that much coz the Ateneo Ondoy task force was overmanned; the volunteer jobs were limited coz everyone wanted to help out. I remember being so overwhelmed because of the amount of relief goods coming in from different people; students, corporations, normal citizens to famous personalities and rich families, and the amount of volunteers, both young and old, willing to spend their time sorting relief goods, carrying heavy sacks of rice, canned goods and bottles of water.  I’ve been to a couple of private households doing the same thing too, cooking food to give out, sorting clothes and shit, and once in a while, foreigners and strangers would come through bringing in more relief goods.

I’ve never seen so much dedication, so much compassion before. The saying “evil only prevails when good men fail to act” came to mind, coz everywhere I see signs of depression and disaster, I see good men acting, risking their lives, doing their responsibility as brothers and sisters. We’ve been to different areas where the typhoons hit the most (the most recent one was in Antipolo) and I feel that the gratitude and appreciation people show towards us is too much, so instead of saying “welcome”, we say “thank you too” instead.

IT IS OUR RESPONSIBILITY as Filipinos to help out our brothers and sisters in need anyways, and welcoming us with warm smiles, despite the situation that there forced to deal with, and not giving us a hard time to do so is enough reason to be thankful for. Just look at the children’s eyes, how happy they are to have a plastic bag of goods to take home to their families, a new bag or a new pair of slippers to use for their long walks to school, and you will hear the most beautiful, most heartfelt “thank you” ever. A friend once told me that the best feeling for her is the feeling of love; being loved, and giving love, that if the whole world had that then it would be a better place for us to live in. While some people would rather have both (giving “love” to receive “love” back), some are just content that they gave it away, coz they know that the person who receives it, no matter how small or big the package is, will treasure it forever.

So do we lack love for our country, our people? I say no, were just too busy tryna get by, coz we’ve succumbed to the reality that life is hard, its everyman for himself. The same friend told me that the storm changed her perception of things, of life. Well, it DEFINITELY changed my life. Because of what happened, I met new friends, learned the real value of life, friendship and family, saw beauty in the face of disaster, and most important of all, I found love.

Written by Gap Saldana